Dear Abby: I can’t just ‘get over’ years of abuse

Dear Abby I see a psychiatrist and psychologist for generalized anxiety disorder major depression disorder and borderline personality disorder According to my doctors my psychiatric disorders are a product of the years of abuse I received from my mother as well as the abuse she allowed others to inflict on me Her physical abuse stopped when I fought back at When I was it was the last time her precious prince of a son raised his fist to me because I stated him I d press charges and have him arrested The sexual abuse had stopped when I was and I realized she d known what had been happening the whole time It also ended my wanting a relationship with my mother but her emotional abuse continued until she died in I am being reported that because she s dead I should just let it go My siblings backed her because they needed to be in Mommy s good graces After years of hatred and abuse I considered the only family I had were my own two children but even they are cold to me now They scold me Your mother s dead Get over it How do I explain that when abuse starts before a child can walk you DON T just get over it Bleeding Heart in Ohio Dear Bleeding Heart I am so sorry for the unrelenting trauma you experienced Your children may mean well but they are clueless about what the effects of physical emotional and sexual abuse can be I m not sure your children will ever fully understand why you can t forgive what your mother and siblings did to you without the help of a family therapist if you can convince your children to accompany you Dear Abby My father-in-law passed away and I have never been particularly close to my mother-in-law I have encouraged my husband to visit his mother and maintain a good relationship with her She s healthy and very current and drives herself everywhere The challenge is every time my husband visits he brings home a bag or bags of miscellaneous items his mom gives him It can be hats gloves socks flashlights T-shirts gadgets tons of drink bottles etc Largest part of the items have never been used My in-laws were avid auction and sale enthusiasts and they didn t just buy one of something they bought in quantity When my husband brings this stuff home I end up taking everything to our local donation center How do I get him to stand up to his mother and tell her we don t need any more stuff I don t want to be the one to speak to her because it will create problems Must I just keep quiet and continue running to the donation center for the sake of peace Dumped on in Pennsylvania Dear Dumped On No Tell your husband HE must run to the donation center to dispose of the items his mother sends home with him Once he tires of doing it HE will discourage his well-meaning mother Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA