Asking Eric: Wife’s comments to son-in-law bother husband

Dear Eric We are retired grandparents to -year-old twins who live close by We are delighted to help with kiddo chauffeuring grocery shopping or anything else needed by two very hard-working parents In the current era after dropping off groceries my wife noted that the refrigerator in her opinion had an unpleasant odor and was very quick to share her opinion with my son-in-law She is also rather critical of multiple of his habits And her opinions are not without merit But my mother invariably announced less noted better mended When I say to my wife too much mother-in-law I catch hell I think something has to be announced to mend this or should I just go back to my corner Too Countless Opinions Dear Opinions It s a shame we can t get rich off of people adding their two cents But since no bank will accept opinions as currency certain change is warranted here Your son-in-law has to manage his relationship with you and your wife so if he s feeling chafed by her opinions he s got to learn how to say something You ve explained your wife what you think Now it s fine to back off However if you feel something demands to be mended in the larger relationship it s fine to talk it through with both members of the couple but loop your wife in first This way it doesn t seem to her like you re talking behind her back It s perfectly reasonable to say I m uncomfortable with the way our relationship is playing out with our son-in-law I m going to talk to both of them about methods that they can feel better supported You can come along if you want but this is just for listening and for learning Sometimes we just need to be heard and understood And who knows maybe they don t notice the comments and just appreciate your help Dear Eric I read the letter from Disrespected whose nephew planned his wedding on the same weekend as the letter writer s mother s th birthday I just have to share this with you My husband and I have been happily married for years We paid for our wedding ourselves coming from working-class families My husband s cousin was also engaged The man she was engaged to came from a family that had money They eloped the same day we got married and just came to our reception We are at our reception sitting down at the head table when her mother my husband s aunt comes up and asks us to hold up the meal until they arrive I was really surprised but I was not going to let this ruin our day I just politely disclosed no because we had a schedule to keep They arrived and made a big to-do We didn t let it ruin our day because we figured that our guests would just see them for what they were We had a grand time great food and lots of dancing and merrymaking and a wonderful time was had by all Double the Fun Dear Fun Oh my I ve heard all kinds of money-saving tips for weddings but this takes the cake literally I m glad you were such a good sport about it and didn t let it diminish your happiness Dear Eric You gave good practical advice to Left By Friends a in recent weeks retired attorney whose friends disappeared after a rare dementia determination Here s an additional perspective No one chooses to get dementia Without well-established prevention or cure we would all agree that dementia is not the fault of the person who has it Joining sponsorship groups or taking strategies to engage socially are good ideas for the person living with dementia but the solutions are not theirs to bear alone Consider this dementia visits one in of us around retirement age and one in three of us a couple decades thereafter At this prevalence each of us knows someone living with dementia whether we realize it or not Related Articles Asking Eric Parents house has become free hotel for friends Asking Eric Brothers spar over -year-old loan Asking Eric After job loss comes shame and meddlesome advice Asking Eric Son s family treats parents house like a storage unit Asking Eric Husband has extreme reaction to wife s affection We all have the opportunity as family and friends to learn how to care for and be supportive of our loved ones with dementia Perhaps those of us with healthy brains even have a social responsibility to do so Friends worth keeping will not run away from but rather run toward those living with dementia Running toward typically starts with taking a short training discipline Virtual sessions are available from certified nurses with the Dementia Institute a multitude of communities across the country have in-person training too Running Toward Dear Running Toward This perspective is so valuable We talk a lot about the importance of preventative care this strikes me as a kind of proactive care I love the idea that we can meaningfully prepare ourselves to advocacy loved ones acquaintances even strangers before a assessment Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com