Asking Eric: Husband always in locked bathroom

Dear Eric This is possibly an odd question A very large percentage of the time more than percent when I come home from being out lunch shopping whatever my husband is in the restroom The powder room is right next to his office and sometimes I ve tried to open the door and it s locked which seems odd since he s the only one in the house I guess it could be a coincidence but it just seems odd Is this something to worry about Too Much Rest Room Dear Room Nope If you re concerned that increased bathroom usage indicates a fitness difficulty you can ask him But chances are he just likes to use the restroom while the house is empty As to the lock again you can ask But if you re already going around trying to open closed bathroom doors it makes sense that he d turn the latch for privacy Dear Eric My family moved out of state to cut ties with my husband s verbally and emotionally abusive mother One brother did the same The last brother engaged in a horrific divorce succumbed to drugs and alcohol and lives in my MIL s basement My husband eventually took his own life and so now I live alone in a state six hours away My nephew and godson has been living in that household being subjected to this abuse at the hands of his father and his grandmother I have invited him to stay with me as he keeps calling and crying to me that he wants to be normal like my three kids he wants to break the cycle I ve laid down boundaries and directed him to employment openings in my area My biggest worry is what to do if he messes up Or starts imitating the dynamics of the family How plenty of chances should he get Can you help with an exit strategy If he lies gets fired drinks or something I haven t imagined can I put him out in a state where he knows no one He is saving for a car but has totaled two plus a motorcycle in the past Thank you for any insight you can provide Protective Aunt Dear Aunt It s wise of you to think through in advance the different strategies that this could go There are perpetually unknowns when you invite a relative to live with you plus you ll be in a de facto parental role So boundaries and expectations should be crystal clear Consequences should be crystal clear as well If lying drinking or getting fired are deal breakers for you you should tell him that in advance put it in writing and mutually acknowledge the consequence And that consequence can be that he has to move back home if that s what you want One of your objectives is helping your nephew mature and flourish in a safe setting Understanding consequences is part of that maturation As you set consequences however think attentively about which behaviors are unacceptable even once and which behaviors are opportunities for improvement You have to protect yourself your home and your peace so I understand your concern But it s also helpful to think about the context that your nephew is coming from He may benefit from both clear strong consequences and gentle leeway where appropriate Dear Eric This is in response to Loving But Frustrated Daughter whose -year-old mother lives in a secluded rural home in the Midwest very distant from the daughter s home in Southern California The mother scolds the daughter when she requirements to end what s been a long phone conversation and the daughter feels guilty trying to please and endorsement her mother while carving out time for herself and her family I have inevitably lived a considerable distance from my mother grandmother and then a mother-in-law and back in the day we corresponded regularly with written letters and cards A card or letter received in the mail brightens anyone s day and can be picked up and reread at the receiver s convenience and saved for as long as the receiver cares to do so Letters do not need to be long and if poor vision is a matter could be written or printed in larger than normal font This daughter could send a short letter or card once a week or every two weeks and could even furnish her mother with self-addressed stamped cards for the mother to jot a note on and send back Related Articles Asking Eric Back in her hometown woman judges friends who stayed behind Asking Eric Niece wants to know the truth about her father Asking Eric Grandmom seems jealous of attention injured grandson gets Asking Eric After giving much to networking group entrepreneur gets little in return Asking Eric Grandmother and grandson caught in the middle of contentious divorce My older relatives have all passed but I still cherish the cards and letters we shared for so a multitude of years This might be a helpful suggestion to your letter writer Letter Writer Dear Writer Another great suggestion thank you I of late met someone who writes their grandmother a letter every single week and the tradition warmed my heart Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com