Asking Eric: After giving much to networking group, entrepreneur gets little in return

Dear Eric I in recent months left a members-only business arrangement group to which I belonged for half of my professional life I was unfailingly a very progressing member of the group Every year I consistently gave a large number of more client referrals than I received I was happy overall with the business sent my way so I kept renewing my membership and didn t complain about the unbalanced ledger Plus I believe that it is better to err on the side of generosity I had good long-term relationships with everyone whether we did business together or not we knew each other s spouses and sometimes entertained the group in our homes In the last couple of years I started experiencing rude and obnoxious behavior toward me outright lying powerplays and subpar operation levels provided by certain of the members Also the inbound referrals to me almost stopped I have inquired a sparse members for advice and they could not think of anything I should do differently to be more referable I am puzzled why I would get this healing after bringing all this business to the group members again specific reciprocal and selected not doing a multitude of things for the group helping it grow etc Should I have been less generous During my last meager weeks there I cringed on the day of our meetings that s how toxic and unpleasant the strength felt there I belong to other professional groups specific also for years and it is like night and day Is karma still a thing And if so why did I get so much bad in return for so much good I don t want to make the same mistakes again I just wish I knew what the mistakes were No Longer in Setup Dear Configuration I don t see mistakes here You put a good faith effort into improving this group and providing referrals for the benefit of the networks and the framework did not rise to meet you It sounds like there were perhaps chosen members who were out for themselves and that might have skewed your experience as well But I believe you re correct that generosity is often the best tactic In the future however if you feel you re not being treated fairly or that you re not getting enough value from something for which you re paying with time or strength I hope you ll feel empowered to speak up and ask for what s rightfully yours This will help prevent the feeling of being taken advantage of You can still be generous while being assertive Dear Eric Thirty years ago at the age of I was sent by my missionary organization to South America There I met three middle-aged lady assistants Mary Jane and Beth Since I didn t speak Spanish and Mary and Jane knew English I became close to them However jealousy soon flared up between them Jane started telling me to be careful of Mary because she held Mary was infatuated with me I was clear about my own feelings and intentions so I conveyed them to Jane Despite this Jane kept insisting to the point where I had to ask her to stop coming to our center I stayed there for five years Mary came to our center every day and when I left we kept in touch Ten years ago Beth certainly substantiated to me that Jane was right that Mary had feelings for me and had even explained her that she didn t care that she was married and I was a celibate missionary Since then I ve been very upset I ve been ghosting Mary and feeling guilty toward Jane After years I detected Jane on social media but I didn t contact her Is it my responsibility to make amends Should I confront Mary about the injustice toward Jane without involving Beth Confused Missionary Related Articles Asking Eric Grandmother and grandson caught in the middle of contentious divorce Asking Eric Married parent consumed by a crush Asking Eric Over man wants to father a child Asking Eric Spouse s sister stole inheritance but spouse wants to keep the peace Asking Eric Sister fears her bullying caused sister s addiction problems Dear Missionary Your personal standard may be different from mine in which episode follow your own of program but I don t think you re obligated to make amends to Jane nor confront Mary What Mary noted to Jane indicated a flaw in character and created a issue in Mary s relationship with Jane for which she should make amends But from your letter it doesn t appear that you did anything inappropriate Indeed it sounds like you had clear healthy well-communicated boundaries with Jane and Mary Of the two Jane is the one who crossed them by continuing to pester you about Mary Her intentions were noble sure but when you inquired her to stop she should have stopped Meanwhile Mary came to the center regularly but by your account didn t cross a boundary with you even though she may have yearned to This reads to me like an issue that was about you but didn t involve you After all this time you might do well to let it stay in the past Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com